Some chav kid just held a gun against my chest and said, "Give me your money." Without thinking, I quickly knocked the gun out of his hand, punched him in the face and then stamped on his head. "Call the police!" yelled a woman who witnessed the incident. "There's no need for that." I replied, kissing my knuckles. "Yes there is," she screamed, "Nobody let this man out of Toys R Us!"
I said to the missus !! Mush high heels don't look tarty they look sexy and give your bum definition she said they just make me look a gay cunt
So, in 1965, when Bill Roache dragged you into the toilets and raped you, you didn't struggle, or scream? " I did, I yelled, Help! I need somebody, heeeelp!" And what happened? " About 4 or 5 people sang along"
A dog and a bitch were talking, the bitch says, "I'm dying for a shag, I'm on heat you know." "I know," said the dog, "lets find a school playground, it will amuse the kids and wind the teachers up to fuck."
A good female friend of mine works in a call centre in Derby. This is a true story. An old guy rang her up and asked about purchasing pay-per-view pornography. She put on her best (and slightly sexy) voice and slowly listed the adult channels, by name, one by one. After a pause, and deep intake of breath, she asked him, "So, Sir, what would you like to order tonight?" His tentative reply - "It doesn't matter now, I've just finished."
I was playing with my wife's pussy. I licked it, massaged it, and shoved my cock up it. Then my wife walked in, "What are you doing to Snowball?"
ozzy ozborne, bono and gary glitter are on the titanic when its sinking, bono shouts "save the women and children" ozzy screams, "fuck the kids, save the women!" just then gary glitter comes out his room "did someone say children?"
