The hippie and the nun THE HIPPIE AND THE NUN A hippie gets on the bus and spots a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her "Can we have sex?" "NO," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard turns to the hippie and says "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!" "Yeah?" says the hippie. "Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every >Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a >robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and >pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God." The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me." The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. 'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. "Ha-ha," he cries "I am the hippie!" "Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver!"
Two aliens Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear."
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mummy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mum, "Of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mum heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
little boy was walkin home from his friends house, he lived in a bit of a rough area and as he walked round the corner a hooker said to him "5er for a blowjob darlin?" and he told her to go away and walked a little bit quicker, as he came to the next road a hooker said "5er for a blowjob darlin?" again he told her to go away and walked even quicker, as he turned into his road he breated a sigh of relief as there was no hooker, so he went into his house and said to his mum, "mum, whats a blowjob?" and his mum said "5 pounds down the road love, everyone knows that"
whats the difference between Ant's mum and a Walrus..... Ones fat and stinks of fish..........and ones a walrus. did you hear about when michael barrymore got asked if he was going to do a pantomine this year and he said "no, because me and a few others done Alladdin a few years ago and we havetn heard the end of it since :bird:
zoomequipped u cunt lol fine your mums turn... i was walking down the street and saw zoomequipped's mum walking with only one shoe on i said..."excuses me youve lost a shoe" she said "no! i just found one" :banana: zoomequippeds mum is so fat.... thats why they built 3 lane mottorways :bird: whats the difference between zoomequipped's mum and a beach... nothing they are both 60ft wide and full of crabs :bird:
whats he dif between mineralli and suzuki engines? not much, there both shit :w00t: :w00t: :bird: :banana: tfu: kcnw9
